During the course of the past two years the Lord has taught me what it means to really, truly trust Him. He brought me through moments of heartache, loneliness, and uncertainty of what my future would look like. But no matter what season I was in, the Lord proved His faithfulness to me.
In January of 2015, my boyfriend of nearly 5 years ended our relationship. It wasn’t because we grew apart, he got bored, or was no longer interested. Rather, it was because he knew that I had allowed our relationship to become the most important thing in my life. I loved him more than anything else in or out of this world, including my Creator. Although this decision was very difficult, he loved me enough to end it so I could focus on the most important relationship I could ever have: my relationship with God.
In the beginning I was very heartbroken. I felt like the floor had been ripped out from under me. The future I had been so sure of for so many years was no longer certain. Despite my heartache and confusion, I pressed into the Lord. Through studying God’s word, spending time in prayer, and fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ, I found comfort, peace, and encouragement.
As time went on, God in His loving mercy revealed Himself to me in ways I had never experienced! For the first time in my life I began to understand what the Bible means when it says our God is a jealous God. As a child of God, I truly am His. He created me, sustains me, and loves me in ways that only He can. He deserves nothing less than my whole heart, as He is the One who created it. He is the ONLY Thing that can satisfy the longing I feel inside. The ONLY One who can love me unconditionally. The ONLY One who can bring me joy that lasts. Happiness is circumstantial, but true joy is found in the Lord!
Although it was hard to let go of the idea that I would one day marry the man I always planned to, God granted me peace. He allowed me to become content with the possibility that it would never happen, and through that I was able to trust that He would provide exactly what I needed.
Over a year passed from the time my relationship ended and I was experiencing joy in the Lord in a way I never had. I was content with where God had placed me and no longer felt lonely. I still desired to be married, but understood that God would provide things in His time. One verse I clung to was Psalm 37:4; “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” God knew my desire for a husband, and He knew I still desired to be with the man I first loved, Austin.
By His grace, God brought Austin and I back together after nearly 2 years of being apart. Throughout our time of singleness, the Lord worked in each of our hearts. He used this season to help us rely on Him and trust that He would lead us where He wanted, knowing what would be best through His sovereignty over us.
As I write this, I am reflecting back on just how amazing it has been to see God orchestrate everything in our lives. In just a few short weeks, I will be walking down the aisle to marry the man of my dreams. His love for the Lord is absolutely beautiful and I am so thankful that I will be blessed enough to call him my husband.
I have had people ask me if I wish things would have happened differently, in a way that was less painful. My answer is absolutely not! I know that without this experience, I would not have the relationship with God that I do now. I would not understand the freedom that comes from fully relying on Him. I wouldn’t know the joy that can only be found through true satisfaction in the Lord.
Yes, it was difficult at times. But it was SO worth it. James 1:2-3 says “Count it all joy my brothers when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” This is absolutely true. I am so thankful that Austin loved me enough to want Christ to be first in my heart. I am grateful that God used this experience to draw me closer to Himself. And I am incredibly thankful for the testimony we now have through a relationship that has been redeemed. God’s timing truly is perfect.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness! “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, therefore I will hope in Him. The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.” Lamentations 3:23-35