On July 22, 2001, my life took a turn for the worst…when I woke up that day I never would have thought it’d be the last day I get to hangout with my friends Cody, David, Joesph and Danielle. That day we were being your typical teenagers, without a care in the world. We had decided it’d be fun to race back to the town we all lived in. David was in front of us, he took the first right turn. Joesph took the next right turn. And you all can figure out what happened next. Eventually the two cars would T-bone, I was in the back seat of Joesph’s car. Not wearing a seatbelt my head broke the back windshield on impact, I was flown 40 feet into the cornfield. I was told it took about 3 hours for me to be found. In the meantime eat had been to my house to inform my mom of the accident. They told her they couldn’t find me to see if I was dead or alive. My mom wasn’t going to accept that scenario. She went to the scene and started yelling for me. They heard my faint cry from the distance. I lost my childhood memories that day along with the details of this day. Ive had 3 plastic surgeries, had to relearn to walk. Im not sure how many times I asked my mom what had happened to me and where my friends were or how many times mom had to see me breakdown in tears.Danielle and I were the only survivors. I haven’t seen or heard from Danielle since that car ride. I didn’t get to attend the funeral of my friends, I never got to say goodbye, I've never been to the scene or their grave sites. I don’t know where Joesph’s body is because he was from Texas only visiting his grandpa for the summer, and lost his life. When I sleep the visions of this horrible accident replay in my dreams. I see my friends faces, the afflictions to their bodies.
I had been to a few different secular therapist throughout the years and had not found peace till I came to Through The Gate.
I started drinking very heavily, it was how I dealt with the pain of losing my friends but mainly because God didn’t take me. I didn’t understand why, I demanded answers and NO ONE was giving them to me. I ended up with alcohol poisoning and still that wasn’t enough to stop me from drinking. Through the years I dabbled in a few different illegal substances, but alcohol remained at the top of my to do list. I had my son, Kadin, at 21 and it was a happy moment. When I was about 22-23 years I started getting in trouble with the law for my drinking. Jail a couple times in the drunk tank. My first felony was an OWI with a prior within 5 years. I had my daughter, Savannah, at 24, she was 3 months early and one heck of a fighter. I started doing meth while she was having to stay in the NICU. I quit for a few years until i hit my 30’s. I had got back into the meth and this time was worse. I started getting in trouble for my drug of choice. Had a warrant for 3 months…pushed my family away, lost visits with my son, had given my daughter to my mom, got into abusive relationships, at this point the higher i got the less I cared about anyone, thing or myself. For the first time I didn’t have nightmares of the accident or think of my friends, I wasn’t mad at God, I simply didn’t care. I hated to see myself in the mirror, I hated myself, I deserved nothing good, not even my children or the love my family had been trying to give me. My family should have given up on me after all the horrible things I had put them through. By this point I had lost 3 years of my life, in and out of jail, 3 drug felonies, haven’t seen my son in a year, pushed my daughter away, and could have lost my life. I was stuck in this darkness for so many years, thinking I wasn’t worthy of anything good.
While being here at Through The Gate I've found my self worth, I've learned to trust in the lord, cast all my burdens on the lord. That because of the shame Jesus suffered, I have been forgiven. My sins and shame have been removed and I have been offered another chance at life. Im a child of God and Im loved, how to love and care for others. The bible is a guideline for how to live a life of obedience.
God didn’t promise us an easy life, he promised us eternal life.
While being here Ive reconciled relationships with my family, Ive learned how to properly communicate with others, Im rebuilding a relationship with my daughter and my family. Ive developed new and healthy friendships, Im finally in a healthy relationship with a great guy. My relationship with God is growing and I have a joy in my life that can’t be robbed.
With completing the program here at TTG Ive been able to build healthy relationships with the staff and Stonewater. Ive been offered a job here to run a CFC crew. Im so very thankful for God and all his blessings and excited for this opportunity. My spiritual growth has helped me to gain the trust from the staff. I now am going to become part of the amazing ministry who helped me, to help and care for women who are trapped in the darkness from addiction. I want to thank Steve, Janet, Lindsay (LuLu), Bella, and Jason, who also had the honor of being my counselor, for discipling me. Most importantly I thank God, because without Him none of this would have been possible. Thank You.