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Gender Confusion

I arrived at Through The Gate gender fluid. Although I never saw the point or took the time to find the exact label to describe my gender identity, I didn’t ascribe to anything traditional either. In my mind there was no point in drawing a line between male or female and creating a million categories in between was equally as meaningless. Some days I woke up feeling more masculine and dressing like a boy, and other days I felt feminine and wanted to wear a dress. People would ask about it which indicated that it wasn’t typical. I was attracted to people who were of a similar mindset and intrigued by those who pushed the bounds of normalcy. Honestly, wearing lipstick made me feel more gay than wearing a tie. When I received compliments for dressing like a woman, it felt like I had somehow fooled them. My friends and I always knew something was broken with the world. We would drop acid or drink alcohol and cheerfully discuss the problems of the world, engaging in philosophical debates until the wee hours of the morning. But there was never an agreeance. Never an answer. Never a solution. Nothing ever came of it. At best, someone felt enlightened and temporarily inspired. We were existentialists, relativist, nihilists, and cynics. We thought we were progressive and onto something. All of our opinions were futile and in bondage to our limited worldviews. And to some extent, we would even discuss that. The fact is that there is only one problem in the world: sin. Rebellion. And the solution is reconciliation with God through Jesus Christ. I understand what the feminist and gender movements think they’re doing because I was a part of it. To differing degrees they think they are fighting for equality, they think men and women have the same abilities and should be able to do all of the same things, they want to make a difference, they want men to behave in a way that makes them feel heard and restores a sense of power that they believe they lost or never had. But that’s not actually what they are doing. They don’t want to be equal to men, they want to be equal to God. It’s not the system they hate, it’s God. The truth is that they don’t trust or love Him. He is the Father whose perfect love is perceived as unfair and cruel in the eyes of His rebellious children. I am referring to the God of Israel, the God of the Bible, the Creator and Sustainer of the world. Not this feel good Joel Olsteen fellow who wants you to have it all and never experience hardship. There are two clear idols in the feminist/pride worldview, entitlement and comfort. They think God would want them to have their fill of this world and never suffer. And any God contrary to that can’t possibly be good because in pride, they think they have the authority and merit to set the standard of righteousness. Pride is the perfect word for the movement, because that is exactly what it is. Through the truth of God’s word, I have been able to embrace my given gender identity in a way that I never thought was possible. I have been able to lay down my own desires and opinions in exchange for the will of God, my sanctification. Am I still attracted to women? Yes. God didn’t take that from me but He gave me something stronger. He gave me love for His word and a desire to please Him. In it, He doesn’t ask us to understand everything but rather to trust Him and walk humbly with Him through this life. Our mistake is in thinking that the perfect design for gender roles and sexuality are about us, our pleasure, our plans, and our wills. But they aren’t about us, they are about Him. Nothing is about us, it’s ALL about Him. But it’s FOR us. His design and His glory are for us to enjoy forever. His glory is the life blood of our spirits. I have come into a beautiful state of serenity and been overcome with His peace, which surpasses understanding. The truth is beyond anything you can imagine. I could say so much more and perhaps someday I will. But for now, I have felt compelled to write this because I have been set free from darkness and confusion. I want to extend this hope, that no one has to continue walking in the futility of their minds. Seek the Lord diligently and you will find Him. He promised that. He will restore you and establish you. He promises that too. You were created for more than this world, this world is evil and will soon pass away forever. Quit fighting against Him and turn to God for reconciliation.


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